there's alot things happened..

most recent one was.. something happened between me and my bf..

and I'm feeling so tired.. of everything..

Lecturer James just reprimanded us for our attendance.. lolx he offered 5K for us to come to sch.. lol.

my mom found out about us. and scolded me for being...

so, now, I have MONEY issues, RELATIONSHIP issues, FAMILY problems, SCHOOL AND FUCKING ASSIGNMENTS AND PROJECTS .. why does it ALWAYS got to be like tt.. freaking sian

I'm feeling so numb now.. even the bad things tt I imagined had came true.. I have no feelings at all.. everything just... phew~~ floating..

no doubt. ADD - attention deficit disorder. read up if u wanna know. whether u believe me or not, is up to ur personal opinion. I dont need to know. even fking doctors refuse to belive tt or there is such thing as ADD. what the fucking hell.

here the poem i make for you


u r just standing in front of me..
but ur heart is ten thousand miles from mine..
it is unbelievable far distances..
u stand in front of me..
but u never know that i love u..

now u r far from me..
but my heart is ever-lasting thinking of u..
it is unexplainable gruesome feelings..
i imagine u are by my side..
but i know it wont become a reality..

u do look at me..
but i know im nothing for u..
it is unbearable flames of pain..
i don wan to lose u..
I will put u in my deepest part of my heart..
that are unable to be erased..
until the death..

written and copyrighted by Niel

yellow hello bello!

lol

yay! I've became a moderator in Fr3b! =D

I'm going to start a new blog soon.. inspired by someone.. lolx.. it's mainly focusing on reviews and comments from me.. I dont want to do it in this blog cause there's so many PERSONAL things that ppl should not be let known so freely.. =D

so wait till I have time to do it up bah.. so lazy and BUSY these days.. and I'm falling sick like every single day.. zzzz.. and I NEED money! super duper poor now.. looking for work soon.. btwn a $6/hr job that I like or a $15/hr job that I'm totally clueless about or a 50cent/post job that I MIGHT get hired? feeling so tired~~~ lalala~~ HELLO PANDA!

today just got back from my bazaar.. FUCKING TIRED.. and exhausted! not to mention income was FUCKING BAD.. wrong target man! if next time I were to held a bazaaar, I would set it at clarke quay.. or somewhere where my work would be APPRECIATED! grrr! kinda irritated by it though..

suddenly have the urge to make new jewelleries again! gosh! everytime I started making, I couldnt stop.. unless my inspirations runs dry, I'll even give up my sleeping time for it! gosh! another reason for me to be HELLO PANDA!

last two days, thurs, meet up with Leewah and HweeHwee.. so long never see them already.. kinda miss them, back when we were so close.. now, each got own things to fret of.. no matter how busy the schedule, I believe we can always meet.. but looking at my schedule for the past 3weeks.. I take back when I've said.. unless I skip dinner with family, otherwise it's kinda hard for us to meet up..

when dad was about to go overseas.. I dint even ate dinner the night before he left.. I feel so sad.. how could I do this?! so when he came back, I make a point to reach home early to wait for dad to come home and eat together.. but either I was bathing and they started eating or I was held up and couldnt eat together.. haix.. feel so bad.. tml dad is leaving.. tonight, I dint eat dinner with him again.. how could I? chatted with dad awhile.. he seems to have something to tell me, but I dunno what.. when he returns.. I'm gonna be home to eat dinner with him.. and I SHALL!

cant deny tt I missed them alot..

Jeffrey dear just got back from a tiring and fun camp.. the week.. not having someone to chat with is so hard.. but thank god that he called or msg me everyday.. =D love u dear~

another one is Eugene.. there's something tt made me feel tt it's not even worth it to talk to him.. but I walked past his shop tt day.. chatted with him awhile.. there seems like nothing much to talk about.. he said tt he's quitting soon.. and rot till ns days.. lol I dunno if he's still mad at me, but at least he's happy tt I did find him to say hi..

surprisingly the 3rd person is not jiahui.. but Johnson.. he went overseas with his gf for like 1week? I dunno.. lol perhaps I've taken him as one of my confinde... I thought tt it's hard for online friend to be able to sustain the friendship especially AFTER we meet.. yeah.. he's a man of his own world.. dont worry dear, I WOULDNT want to be with him.. such HIS mindset is not what I will want for a boyfriend.. haha.. a gentleman and a sweet guy.. but a damn fking bastard at heart..

I FINALLY BOUGHT MY LIP BRUSH.. SOME DEEM IT AS WASTE OF MONEY.. SOME SEE IT AS A FORM OF EXPRESSION FOR MY DEPRESSION.. but I FEEL SO HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE KNOWING THAT I HAVE MY LIP BRUSH WITH ME CAUSE I CAN USE THE ELF TIN LIP EVERYTIME WITHOUT USING MY UNHYGENIC FINGER! YAY!

ms CareBear is here to SHARE~

if anyone out there didnt knopw, there's this website that gives out free sample to people! but have to pay for postage lah.. hehe.. after all, it's better than buying magazines to just get that freebies right? =D the website is called Fr3b. I only wish they have links for me to link.. so people would know. lol